It starts off with an eagerness to be accepted. When you’re young nothing makes sence and everyone around you is weird. I’m not talking 6 years old young, more like 14-17. Then I guess you find a peer group that has fallen through the cracks of what seemed to be regular ties and feel well...regular? You feel the same god damn thing that the person who was making fun of you felt....and proceed to make fun of people. And basically it’s the exact same thing. Only because these people had to "fall" in order to get to this place they usually come along with some sort of attatchment, something valcrowed to their fucking thigh along the way. Drugs, alcohol, food addiction, school addiction, utmost bitchiness. Raves. Dancing. So you become addicted to SOMETHING. These days the internet is big. Yup, got that one down fo sure here. Just because you end up in this underground, hidden pathway doesn’t mean you had any psychological problems...or any problems at all...it’s just luck of the draw. It happens to the best and the worste of society. The same patterns recognized in the popular girls at school can be immitated with the heroine junkies in england. It’s all fucking relative. So you start with some experimentation. Hear about a "raaaaaaaaaaaaaave" haha. You go. Do some e. Meet like a billion people and realize "hey!" you really ARE social. So of course you’ll keep going. e is just a little luggage that helps you get by on you’re stay at the rave motel. baha. 20 bucks? jesus christ you’d pay a million dollars to be social at 15 years old. Eventually some sort of alliance is formed between a certain number of people that have recognized this "NEW FOUND!!" glory of raving and being fucking "origional." As you become tighter and tighter you develop certain social habbits such as speach regularities or dancing or even style that causes other people to become jealous of the peer group and therefore give you leeway to proceed to fucking damage self esteem of those who are "smaller" (NOT) than you. Really it’s just the way things happen. Nothings smaller or bigger or here or not here, it’s just the way things fall. Like fucking rain. It can be patterned but when it comes down to it every rain drop is chaotic but similarily in order. It’s "just" in a way that it "just" occurs. Anyways. Eventually you feel comfortable enough with yourself to arrange house parties and get together without that social glue that keeps you high on top. This, in a regular situation would happen with those bitchy cheerleaders...eventually they start chilling away from school...and become more independent and so on...same way, except by change those bitches didn’t have velcrow smacked to their thighs like us lucky ass ravers.
Although the partying has stopped, that goddamn velcrow is acting as a reason to come together away from the scene. To create our own comfortable scene. Where we can do drugs (by this time every party drug has been experimented with, being the "MASTER" of the rave and all) and be with ourselves and just not have to worry about everyone else. I’ve recognized this as a result of doing party drugs in general...they fuck up your ability to care. Instead you become annoyed in a "simple" state where as you will just minipulate the situation to your desired standards and brush it off. Soon the rest of the week become dull. You stop seeing people who don’t do drugs. You spend your days eating out of bordom and make your life as easy as it possibly can be. Drop out of school, maybe. But you tell yourself it isn’t for long you just need a "break." Then find yourself doing nothing, where a break has actually become a vegetative state. But this "couldn’t possibly" have anything to do with the three years you’ve been huffing ketamine and popping pills.
Congradulations your brain has been fried.
Keep ranting on your careless parade.
The boredom gets to you. You’ve gotten yourself into a habbit of having money and immediately spending it on drugs. Probably from not making much money at 15-years-old and spending that hundred dollars you DID make on 2 parties and most of it going to e. Because you started with $20 with e and moved to $30 with k and because following that you could get e for $15 and then slowly towards $10...$7..$5 and then realized you might AS WELL buy the shit in bulk ....i mean 4 for $20..16 for $80...eventually you’re so used to just throwing all your money down the drain that it doesn’t even occur to you the alternative things you’re money could be put toward.
It’s so cheap you might as well buy some for during the week, I mean it has it’s pluses. Fuck, you’ve been sitting around lately and there’s nothing like a little jibb to pick you up and throw you back into the groove of things. You’ll lose some weight too. After breakfast... before school....after school...before work....break time...after work...shit then you’ve got trouble falling asleep! well there’s shit for that too. But you spent all your goddamn cash on the last 4 balls of jibb how are you going buy a downer?
All for a fucking peer group and an eagerness to be accepted and catagorized. All for a fucking compliment. Only now you’re all by yourself.
When you finally snap out of it for two seconds you realize you’re an uneducated, unloved, worthless piece of shit who was better off before hand. Now you have no choice but to continue.

From this point on I believe it has to do with genetics and IQ. If being a dirty pathetic drug addict runs in your family (*raises hand*) you have something to be worried about. If you’re IQ is high however you may be able to pull your brain together enough to re collect a moral or two and throw yourself onto the sunny path called life again.


The real question is whether doing all those drugs and falling all those places actually made you smarter...or if you’re just convincing yourself you’re better in an obsessive compulsive manner.
That’s my question. It’s the biggest decision i’ll ever make.